Church Bulletin Bloopers

These are (allegedly) actual bloopers from church bulletins around the country

Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.

Thursday night: Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Thursday at 5 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to become Little Mothers should meet with the Pastor in his study.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward at the beginning of the service.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Our evening service sermon topic will be What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth With Joy.”

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Sherman Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

After-church advice: Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals.